I may be broken, but I still feel my distant sanity of tears trailing behind...

animatickae @ 2004-11-06T18:56:00

2004-11-07T02:58:06Z

It's about time to tell you of my other LJ... My Mother was told about this one and she's damned pissed, so...I'm deleting this LJ blog... Go ahead and add surrendition to you LJ if you would...

In about a week or two I'll be deleting this LJ...

So hurry before time runs out. I'll be adding all of you.

My Mother threatened to go and read the rest, so hurry, Please.

animatickae @ 2004-11-05T17:13:00

2004-11-06T01:35:35Z

And my head still hurts horribly, but my fever is at 104 now, not much of a difference, but I feel a tad bit better.

I got really angry at this Boy who knows my sister and decided to cut me and her in a very long line for that food from that school I wish to burn to the floor. I chewed him out for cutting us and he got out of line, later I saw him and said, "Have a nice lunch?" He smiled and said, "I was behind you the WHOLE time." I laughed, retortingly saying, "How could you be behind us if me and my sister were the last people in line?" He started making excuses, I found it so amusing...

I really don't feel good, but...Shh...Don't tell anyone, alright? People worry to much and I'm just fine...

Darien just turned 10 years of age. He seemed so happy...playing with his presents and laughing.

I'm running a wonderful fever of 107 1/2 degrees, with a headache.

2004-11-05T06:11:31Z

I have, "Anarchy" stuck in my head, the song is damned great! I swear, they should go famous and mark me their number one fan! LoL.

I'm running a slight fever of 107 degrees, but I feel just fine despite a horrible headache which is killing my brain at the moment...

Flesh is freezing,
Blood is burning,
Heads on fire to attire for the unwilling.
Fever high,
More or less ready to die,
But I'm just fine enough to entwine in the willingful pain of fever.
That wonderful thing that never goes away once it's starts,
Scars you for life and never departs.
But you live on, and eventually forget,
The time you spent getting better...
Enough to walk out of bed.

My make-up poem is not supposed to be negative, I just felt like telling it from my perspective.

Alora, though you're only 6 months old, get better for me. (That'd be great if I was someone, eh?)
Eric, by the sky, if she doesn't get better quickly, you'll never hear the end of it from me, sweetheart.

I'll be staffing at the Recca kick-off on the 20th on November. I'll be there bright and early, at the Registration area, (The front door...) handing out papers as well as talking or whatever suits me.

Tell Me, more about You :

Name:
Middle Name (I won't ask for the last, but if you want to share, you can.):
Favorite Food?
Least Favorite food?
Person you would like to date the Most:
Dream Date:
Dream Honey-Moon:
Favorite Place to go:
Best Friend (Closest, the one you can tell everything and not think twice about.):
Favorite Color:
Favorite Song:
Favorite Artocle of clothing:
Favorite Gadget:
What makes you smile most?:
What makes you sad the most?:
What is the best memory you have of me? And/Or, what do you like most about me? (Thought, meeting, personality, etc.):
What did you think about Bush winning the Election so far?:
What do you like most about you and the things/people around you?:

This is to help me get to know you all better, If you want to send it personally...Send it to, AnimaticGirl101@yahoo.com. If you want me to send my answers back, be sure to give me another copy of the empty questions in the mail, so I can copy and paste.

Eric : Skishy...
Kayla : Skishy...?
Eric : Yep.
Kayla : Okay...
Eric : It means a need to be cuddled, or comforted.

How adorable is that!?

My head hurts, and sleeping is needed, I'm in need of Skishy...

animatickae @ 2004-11-03T22:53:00

2004-11-04T07:09:43Z

My not so great day,
It always starts out good...I switched to a different binder for school since I was tired of looking at it. I was rushed to get into the car for school, (Which gave me no time to print my essay, due to the day before the printer wasn't working quite well I might add.) So my dear Mother promised to print it before 4th period, (Which never happened as you could have guessed.)
Then, sometime between 2nd and 4th period, my binder dissapeared; gone, not there...Maybe stolen.
I was cry so much, I had a week's make-up of math in there. A few days of Science work, Notes for a novel test I have to take tomorrow, (Or today depending on when you read this). It had a lot of important papers...
I was so furious, I kicked and punched the wall, denting it a few times. Why would someone be so stupid to steal a worthless binder?
Now I have to do the work ALL over AGAIN.
I have such a horrible headache, I feel horrible.

Above all, I could be getting an F in English due to to not having my essay due on the correct day. Losing my Novel's notes, my reading log to show that I've read the book too...

~Sighs~

Other than that, I'm good...seriously. Lonely, tired...but good.
I desire to hold someone, for comfort you could say, or pleasure if you want to imagine it that way...

animatickae @ 2004-11-03T00:19:00

2004-11-03T08:48:15Z

Princess is sick...
I wish I could be there to hold her.

Today at school, one of my teachers brought their adopted daughter (whom is from Russia. They actually flew all the way there to pick her up! I'm proud of Mrs. Nunes...) I just wanted to pick her up, I have such a longing...

I feel dead empty now, I know I'm missing plenty of things, I wish I weren't.
Love, Children, a Good home, a loving family at most.
I did pretty good today, at school, here's my grades so far... (I'll give you the reasons why I'm getting those grades too...)

World Hist. - B
Drawing - A
Keyboarding - C
English 2 - D
Phys Sci. - A
Algebra - C-

Reasons:

World Hist - Dispite always falling asleep because it's a lecture in the morning, I'm always raising my hand, giving answers and such.

Drawing - Says I'm great but I need to stop talking so much, she wants to change all my classes because she wants me in her Painting class, because I'm above level for this Beginners drawing class.

Keyboarding - I don't type "H" right, ( mean, WTF!? You type it with your index finger! *Mumbles unappropriate words for this LiveJournal* Okay, so I may not feel comfortable with hoping to type something right, so I look at the keyboard...It doesn't kill me any!)

English - I can't type a correct heading, (How can I type a correct heading if he's never shown me!? Bah!) Damn essays every week...

Phys Science - He thinks I'm doing great, thinks I'm too quiet and sweet. ( Okay...So he's a little... *Circles above her head with a finger* For thinking that about me.)

Algebra - She thinks I'm sweet, but the people talk to me to much and is proud that I don't talk back. (They always ask me questions about Goths because of the way I act and dress.) And that I have horrid low quiz scores but very high homework scores. It's a small problem I have, I do great on the homework because I;m not timed, but I freeze and freak out when it comes to tests, and I hurry so fast I can't remember anything.

That's it...Pathetic, eh? Yeah, I understand I'm a moron. (But a nice moron? LoL...)

School is going good...Despite the growing amount of Cheerleaders and pom-poms.

animatickae @ 2004-10-27T10:22:00

2004-10-30T03:38:24Z

Today happens to be the exact time I met Eric, online through an arguement with another lady, who was attempting to gain his heart, and I ruined that moment, I don't feel the least bit sorry, I wouldn't have stayed friends with him.

But than the other way around, he would still have another friend. "Half one or the other." Metaphorically speaking, it was, "Meet me or stay and know her," deal. It hurts to know that I, Me, Kayla...made him lose a good friend, whom had his trust. I can't get over it, I tried to heal.

This day, the 27th, of October,

When wounds felt solid, he made them soft to heal.

When I hurt, he helped me feel better.

When I was happy, his was the biggest cause, because he tried to cheer me up, he was happy with and for me.

When I cried, he made those tears stop running.

I'm not afraid of the Physical things, words, physical contact, nervous...But not afraid.

I was afraid to trust, to love...to be me. A friend who wanted another, a lover who strived for none other.

Thank you for being here Mentally, when you couldn't be here physically...

The dearest things to me, lie within my heart, never to fear, never to part." - My quote, to show that I care, no matter how closed, or cold hearted I may be.

"An inside is a mirror reflected from the out." - To show that Just because I'm lovable, distant, maybe insane on the outside, means there's another me on the inside that only you know.

"Hold my hand, and I'll hold yours higher" - To show my loyalty as a friend, and to share my trust.

"Share with me, I'll share with you." - It's not tit-for-tat, it's a bond of honesty, I share my world, and you show my yours, I won't ask for much, just you're friendship...

"I'll tell you a secret, you tell, but I'll still keep yours inside until I die." - To show all the things I'll do and never forget and never tell. Secrets are meant to be kept secret.

Friendship is like a bond. They're supposed to be held together until the end, if they begin to fall apart, just glue them back together with glue. Open you're heart and trust doors, for I'll walk back in, you'll never forget the havoc and serenity I'll cause, because we'd do it together, there may be an "I" in Friendship, but let's just forget it, because it's a bond, not an alone stance. Let me into your heart, no matter how you feel I'll break it apart, because I'm solid, I'll share my heart if yours is broken, because love and friendship is the best part.

I have so much more, but it's hard not to cry, it's been a year, tears, smiles, randomness, and fun. You swept me off my feet with friendship. and I'll always hold on tight.

Happy Friends Anniversary, Eric. Our first year...Heading toward forever.

I love you...

animatickae @ 2004-10-29T19:46:00

2004-10-30T02:59:32Z

Today, well it's a long story, that I wish not to repeat as to their were TOO many, "Dude is she dating anyone?" "Hey Hottie" "Sup sweet ass?" Erm, don't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult, I was asked out twice, told that people wanted me because of my Hallow's Eve costume, a seductress, and believe me, if it brings that much attention to me, I'd wonder if it was just the costume, because those people are obviously blind to think my legs are sexy, hot, smooth...I had so many people wanting to hug me, people were talking about me and met me the day before because I drew all over my arm and it looked like an arm tattoo, being told I should go into business...
It was fun, but scary...
Makes me feel more confident I suppose.
(And happy, not to put a fine point to it, above all...it was amusing, I'm usually the invisible goth with attitude and killing-like looks/thoughts, sadism pouring out my ears, etc.)

Okay, *Sighs* I had to write this whole Entry over 5 times because my fingers slip and I press delete to everything. *Curses the Shift and the mouse that directs what get's deleted* Anyway, my first ready-post was the most detailed, have conversations, but after a while, I got tired of it and resorted to this.

animatickae @ 2004-10-24T13:40:00

2004-10-24T20:47:51Z

Yesterday was great fun, the bus thing all worked out, I left the mall/bus stop at 8:47 p.m. Bought things at Hot Topic, Spencer's Gifts and Zumiez, It was an awesome and wonderful day...

Now if I could only upload my pictures, even if I only have 4 or 5.

I desire to talk to my Eric, I NEED to talk to him, I said something wrong and I should apologize for it. I felt so horrible I cried all night...

LoL....High Hitler, people...

2004-10-23T03:23:38Z

"Arguing with the moderators is like shaking your fist at God. There's nobody there; and if there is, he's not listening. And if he's listening, all you're doing is pissing him off."
-foobar104, on Slashdot.org
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."
-???
"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for."
- Jasper Carrott
"I just took an IQ test. The results were negative."
-???
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
-George Carlin
"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
-Albert Einstein
"Sure, your guilt might force you to vote Democrat, but secretly deep down inside you long for the Republicans to lower your taxes, ignore the poor, brutalize prisoners, dictate what goes on in your bedrooms and rule you with an iron fist."
-Sideshow Bob
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
-John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks."
-Scott Adams
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
-???
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
-Groucho Marx
"Windows: Just another pane in the glass."
-???
"Every man should have a hobby - but make sure your wife doesn't know about her."
-???
"A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man."
-???
"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis!"
-???
"There is no clearer manifestation of pure evil than teachers giving assignments over holiday breaks."
-James Halloran
"'Evil men have no songs.' How is it that the Russians have songs?"
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-Winston Churchill
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
-Jack Handey
"Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation."
-???

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
-???

"To the world you are someone, but to someone you are the world."
-???

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-???

how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Let's all laugh at the humorous jokes, and smile to the love quotes.
Heh, my favorite is the Hitler and Nazi one, LoL...
I found it hysterical.

I got a joke from my Eric, 'twas having me in laughing tears.
"They say that it you play a Microsoft CD backwards it gives a satanic message, you know what's worse? Playing it forwards and getting Windows."
My Step father added on, "You know what's worst? If you put the CD in sideways and watch a crash and burn!"
Lmao.

animatickae @ 2004-10-20T17:23:00

2004-10-21T00:34:21Z

I'm quite well today...Though I missed Eric online by a few fucking hours. I can damn a hospital appointment that I wasn't able to have because of medical insurance.
I'm am exhausted, and I want a vacation out of California, for...life. Not that anything is wrong here, life here is just...tiring, boring and exhausting.
See...I want a relationship, children, the simple things you don't think about until you get out of college, I suppose My mind is so traumatized from my life, as they say...
"If you've ever been abused, or sexual molested as a child, you tend to have a mentality of a 33 year old, even if you are only 13 or in your teenage years."
Makes me feel horrible...

I got a camera, digital, I can see the horrible pictures I take, I want to join Year Book, and take plenty and a huge mass of picturs for it.

animatickae @ 2004-10-20T01:38:00

2004-10-20T08:47:09Z

My Birthday went quite well...
Though I can hardly think now that I had a personal, very personal conversation with Eric...It blurs my mind.

Thank you to all whom said Happy Birthday and paid attention to little ole me.

I got the Lacuna Coil - Comalies, and the new Mariyln Manson -Lest We Forget- The Best of, CD's, which pleased me very much, a pair of black and white stripped stockings as well...

I need sleep, goodnight everyone.

3 MORE days...

2004-10-16T22:11:11Z

3 More days...
I turn 15.

I want to go to this Fanime Gathering...But I have no way down there! *Sulks* And it's my Birthday's weekend too...
I was told my Mother ought me a present for over $200 dollars, I was like, "WTF!? With what money!?" So...Heh.
I'm happy that she's trying to make up for so many lost years...It's great, but it's not going to make much better.

Anyway, my dear ( >.

animatickae @ 2004-10-07T22:35:00

2004-10-08T05:37:18Z

Post a Memory of me,
It can be anything you like...
Then post this in your journal and see what memories people have of you.

Y = Yes.
N = No.
M = Maybe, depends.
* = Already have done.
O= Decline to answer.

( ) go out (to a club for example) with me?
( ) give me your number?
( ) let me kiss you?
( ) watch a movie with me?
( ) let me take you out to dinner?
( ) drive me somewhere/anywhere?
( ) be my boyfriend?
( ) listen to me if I called you, even if you were out with all of your friends?
( ) buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
( ) take me home for the night?
( ) sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
( ) re-post this for me to answer your questions?

(Truely, I wasn't paying attention and I accidently had the 7th question saying, "Girlfriend" Bah! x___X )

If you plan on sending me an e-mail, do send it to me before my e-mail box fills, it's the "So much mail, so little room in the box" theory.

animatickae @ 2004-10-04T23:27:00

2004-10-05T06:28:15Z

15 days until my very own birthday, what a bore.

School is wearing me out desperately, my arms ache painfully. I feel like I have a cold, but I'm doing well, or so I think in school...

Friends should not be in the quantity, but in the quality and worth.

My head hurts from all my homework, I think I'll add more, sooner or later, more likely later...

animatickae @ 2004-10-02T23:35:00

2004-10-03T06:48:38Z

Well, I am quite dissapointed with myself, missing the chance to tell Eric happy birthday and all...
I wanted to call him, but since I had no internet, I had no interaction whatsoever to be able to get ahold of him...
I don't think people realize how hard it is for me to miss someone's birthday.
Ever since I was 11-12 I don't remember being told happy birthday or having a party, I'd do anything to make sure the people around me had a good day on their birthday, I'm prone to do so...I couldn't help but cry in school, I feel so horrid.

Oct 1. - Eric's Birthday
Oct 2. - Dasha's Birthday

Now two in a row...Both great and my closest friends.
I do thank Maurveen for calling me the other day to make sure I was still alive, love you dearest.

Heh...

2004-09-16T02:18:42Z

I feel horribly stressed out, and I'm waiting as patiently as I can for the internet back...

I'm more worried about other things, I'm being threatened to being kicked out of my home, my mother says to go call up a friend and move into their houses, she yells at me, gets angry just because I'm me and not what she wants, I try to stay out of the way and quiet, but it seems to make her more angry every day...

I feel like packing a bag and walking away until I die.

"Person Jesus...Reach out and touch faith!" ~Walks off singing~

animatickae @ 2004-09-12T13:25:00

2004-09-10T20:36:47Z

I know it's late to report this...
I feel horrible for not writing it in here.
My little brother, Taylor turned 6 on Sept 2.
My mother left it all to me, ran off to go places, expecting Taylor for forgiving her for missing that 'Happy Birthday' song, missing of the lightened candles. I made the cake myself, all choclate, homemade icing, (Which I didn't like all to much but the kid's loved it.)I kept repeating, the words Happy Bithday, as if I never wanted him to forget it no matter what.
I mean he's 6, what 6 year old should miss a birthday with their mother? My Father didn't even call, the fucking pedophile want's joint custody of the children, and he doesn't even wish one of HIS children happy birthday? That's hurtful, if I saw him, I'm kill him unless someone strapped me in a jacket and an insane assylum, but then...If that was so, I'd have more time to plot and plan how to kill him.
I hated it...I hate him...He, nor anyone like him has a place in my heart.
It could have been better, What the fuck is wrong with me?
I could have done better for his birthday, I could have tooken him to the park with the dogs, I could have invited his friends to school...I could have done something...

animatickae @ 2004-09-10T18:58:00

2004-09-09T01:58:43Z

This isn't right!

Bah...

animatickae @ 2004-09-09T22:32:00

2004-09-08T05:30:13Z

I'm so frustrated I could pull out my hair strand by strand and enjoy it!

Ok, here goes my rant about the internet.

My mother and her Boyfriend promised to have the internet for me before I went to camp, then they promised it after I came back, they promised while we work cleaning for the inspection that they'd have it in another day or so...

NOW, it's going to be two fucking weeks before I get it...
I don't think you all understand how angry this makes me. I've waited, patiently, I've tried...
Promised the people that I would be back online soon, and look...It's getting longer and longer by the day.

Ok, I'm officially done...

I could cry, because I don't have any friends here and the only way I can get ahold of them is through the internet, I'm so lonely I could die, then it turns out I'm not enrolled in school either.

animatickae @ 2004-09-07T22:04:00

2004-09-06T05:05:28Z

Well...

I'm having a terrible migrane, and my body aches horribly, what's wrong?

What's wrong with me?
What did I do wrong?
Why I am I the way I am?
Why aren't I someone else?
Why, when I look for something, I cannot find a thing?
Why do I feel blind.

HOPEFULLY, I may have the internet soon...Fear not, though I'm sure you aren't anyway.

animatickae @ 2004-09-05T21:16:00

2004-09-04T04:14:46Z

I have good news, if anyone has missed me recently.
I will have the internet back up in running in less than a week.
I must be off now, things must be done as of the late...

We didn't EXACTLY pass our house inspection, but close. ~Shrugs~

animatickae @ 2004-08-31T00:35:00

2004-08-29T07:40:37Z

I live...
Unfortunately, aye?
I need a good friend to talk to, a good get together, we got rid of the fucking internet, Heh...
Tomorrow I'm going to a small get together for camp, must I go...?

I'm lonely,
Need me? Call me...
=_____________=;;

Anyway, Maurvie, I do hope you see this, because in less than a week, I do HOPE, that you get the mail I've sent, if not, you'll have to wait till I get some more stamps, it's not 'Cheap' to send mail to Canada... >.<;;

I must be off...
I do hope that some of my friends come online soon. T_T

animatickae @ 2004-08-07T19:53:00

2004-08-06T02:58:02Z

Well...
Life...Fucking sucks.
I kind of just found oiut that my computer had 80 viruses, and a new motherboard needs to be bought for it, a whole $500 fucking dollars, I have to go to camp next week on Thursday. I REALLY wish two certain special people I know were on...But one lost her connection, and the other is at works. *Sighs* Oh...well.
I really need a friend, and I want to go do a Foreign Exchange for Canada, ^^.
I'm horridly bored, where's my Eric, Dasha, Maurveen...? *Sighs again*
That about it for now...

animatickae @ 2004-07-31T21:25:00

2004-07-30T04:31:20Z

Ok...
Life sucks, eh?
I was talkinbg to my friend, Maurveen, from Canada, and all of the sudden, I see a huge flash from my computer. Maurveen said it probably needed rest, but guess what? It's broken! *Sighs* I want Eric to call me, it seems that the laptop I borrow every one or two days, it dies on me right when I'm in the middle of something.
But yes, Eric I love you and I miss you all dearly! *Sighs one more and steals some random person's pants and hides them away for later My mother will take the omputer into a shop, which is a waste, I'd rather get a new computer than to be stuck with a 1.99 GB.
But anyway...
I need a computer.
And a life, I have a horrid stomach ache and abdominal pain.

Eric...
Go on ICQ and ask Maurveen for my number, PLEASE? I don't think you'd realize HOW greateful I'd be, or check my friends area for my journal, her nick is _wasted_life_, Have fun everyone...
Life moves on...Just don't forget me.

animatickae @ 2004-07-23T15:24:00

2004-07-23T22:30:43Z

I feel horrid...
I've been crying so long...
I can't my Eric just go...
I want to hear his voice one more time.
A hug, a whisper, a call, a hit and run if need-be, I know he must do what he's been ready and must do...
So I'll let him do it, even if it tears me up inside, because it's for the better...
I have much to say, but I',m not quite sure if I'm ready to share it.

I'll update later...

What kind of God are you?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You earthly time was spent	Feeding millions with a few hot dog scraps
Your throne is	A great mountain wreathed in silver cloud, attended by angelic beings of light, arced with lightning and bathed in glory
You wear	Nothing! And that is why people worship you
Your Godly superpower is	Rivers of white-hot magma flowing from your eyes, slowly and mercilessly agonizing those who stand in your way and your fallen playthings. Forever.

This quiz by pelagicboreas - Taken 17369 Times. </a>